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At no point in its long and distinguished record had the local transit from Windsor to Staines received such a welcome. Guarded by police, shadowed by global media, the brightly colored single-decker made its way majestically up Windsor’s central avenue, while onlookers craned to get a look of the lone senior inside. “It’s not him,” muttered one man, rather unnecessarily.

An Occasion of Great Fuss About Not Much

This was one of those days on the banks of the Thames: plenty of anticipation over not much, a sideshow that felt mainly peripheral to the ceremony taking place within the sealed castle grounds. “I’m afraid not much is going to happen, madam,” informed a police officer a woman recording a social media video from the edge, as he shooed her away toward the pavement.

Insignificant Occurrences and Lots of Expecting

Naturally, certain things actually occur, albeit not much of great consequence in the wider picture. People shouted things at each other. Debates erupted over Gaza. Attendees flaunted flags and displayed placards. A man in a political cap ate a pickled egg from the chip shop and grimaced. Television runners hurried up and down Castle Hill ferrying flat whites to broadcasters. A misty shower continued.

The scene turned into a mass of spectators watching other people look at things, at once comforted by their close location to the primary occasion and disappointed by their inability to affect it.

River Security and Unforeseen Local Fauna

“We are ready for whatever may occur that will unfold on or around the water,” stated Sgt Lyn Smith, head of a joint operations marine unit between Thames Valley and Hampshire police. While the dignitaries neared Windsor, pretty much the only thing occurring near the water was a swan making a deposit.

An Event Planned for Limited Contact with People

Naturally, this spectacle without substance was to some extent integral to the arrangement, the expected outcome of a state visit whose main goal was to steer clear of any possible contact with the general public. Whereas Trump and King Charles reviewed the guard, the crowd outside was left totally to its own amusements. A small hint: if you tell a Maga supporter that his oversized flag only has 49 stars on it, he’ll still be checking them half an hour later.

Media Attention and the Pursuit for Content

Nonetheless, the crowd had assembled and the cameras were rolling, so how was each outlet going to occupy their broadcasts? The BBC was seen to spend a large portion of time broadcasting aerial shots of the castle. “The lead item today, historic structure remains upright.”

“You can see some raindrops on the camera there, and rain clearly has an impact on flying,” an analyst spoke at length on Sky News in an effort to explain why Trump’s helicopter was still had not taken off. Evidently some different amusements was required.

The Devotees Step the Spotlight

Enter: the hardcore enthusiasts. And they are never in limited quantity at events like these, drawn like moths to a journalist gathering, readily filling long stretches of silent moments with their antics. There was a guy outfitted from head to toe in UK and US flags. There was a woman with a covered alsatian wrapped in a campaign apparel. There was a guy who had spent two days painting a picture of Trump as a caveman, carrying King Charles on his back like a baby. There were people outside the retail outlet having heated arguments about the definition of genocide. All found a receptive crowd among the mobile journalists desperate for material, any copy, any kind of colour.

One understands how easily what counts as viewpoints in this country is formed by the most vocal – and by extension the most eccentric – people.

A Draw for Nonconformists

Perhaps it is unavoidable that any show will attract a few eccentrics. But this does also seem to be a characteristic very particular to Trump: the consistent ability to attract misfits and nonconformists wherever he goes. Let’s face it: Trump himself is just a very unusual guy, the kind of specimen you imagine would come from an regrettable nuclear accident involving a large block of orange cheese. And in a sense his entire time in office has been a kind of bat signal to the discontented, the gullible, the interested in plots, the semi-sentient. Outcasts of the world, unite. We meet at Windsor at daybreak. Wear whatever you like.

Genuine Concerns Intrudes

Monarchs. Police. Journalists. The Hampshire and Berkshire branches of the Trump fanclub. Was there anyone here remotely normal? “Not in Windsor,” snorted the girl behind the bar of the Horse and Groom. “They’re all too busy shouting at each other.” And maybe there is something about this place that brings out the dress-up in everyone, a monarchical base with a town reluctantly attached, a kind of artificial England with its waves of decorations and tourist traps, a fantasy to sell the tourists. What sort of reality were we really expecting to encounter here?

Reality does still intervene, if you pay close attention. A little distance from the madding crowd, a couple of local Liberal Democrat councillors were handing out leaflets. Improve our parks and playgrounds. Renew broken streetlights. Deal with “eyesores”, whatever they are. This is the politics that genuinely affects people’s lives, far closer at any rate than some American president sitting in a horse-drawn carriage that nobody can see. But they’re having a hard moment getting the point across. “We’re about caring for people, fixing things, serving communities,” says Mark Wilson of the Eton and Castle ward. “But that’s not what gets clicks.”

The Conclusion of the Event

Within the grounds, men in distinctive caps were playing musical equipment. The dining arrangement in St George’s Hall was being set. Outside, the crowds were dispersing. The No 10 bus was well on its way to Staines. The woman in the Maga cap had entered Wagamama to grab some teppanyaki. And it was impossible not to sense the divide between these spheres, far more profound than a castle wall, worlds briefly close but perpetually divided.